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25 Rejected Hallmark Cards

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25 Rejected Hallmark Cards
I've seen lists like this before, but this one appears to have some new ones..

1. "So your daughter's a hooker,
And it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
It's really good pay."

2. "My tire was thumping,
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire,
I noticed your cat. Sorry!"

3. "You had your bladder removed,
And you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers,
And a box of Depends."

4. "You've announced that you're gay,
Won't that be a laugh,
When they find out you're one,
Of the Joint Chiefs of Staff."

5. "Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
Cause when I had mine,
I got real snippy."

6. "Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it.
She's moved in with me!"

7. "You totalled your car,
And can't remember why.
Could it have been that
Whole case of Bud Dry?"

8. "Looking back over the years
That we've been together,
I can't help but wonder:
What the **** was I thinking?"

9. "Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife."

10. "How could two people as beautiful as you,
have such an ugly baby?"

11. "I've always wanted to have someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you, I've changed my mind."

12. "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you."

13. "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
that you're not here to ruin it for me."

14. "If I get only one thing for Christmas,
I hope it's your sister."

15. "Thanks for being a part of my life!
I never knew what evil was before this!"

16. "Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back?"

17. "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

18. "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost lifelike!"

19. "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

20. "We have been friends for a very long time.
What do ya say we call it quits."

21. "I'm so miserable without you,
It's almost like you're here."

22. "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?"

23. "You are such a good friend that if we were on a
sinking ship and there was only one life jacket....
I'd miss you terribly and think of you often."

24. "Your friends and I wanted to do something
special for your birthday - So we're having you put to sleep."

25. "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!"
(Card available only in Kentucky, Arkansas, and Tennessee)